Happy First Birthday!!

You are one today my baby boy.

You and I we both are connected since before you were born and today as we complete a year together there are a thousand emotions arraying in my head. I am so much more concerned for you, your future, your well being, your health and everything about you. Well some might doubt it but believe me my baby I exist now for you and whatever I decide or do it is because of you. Such importance you bear to me and for what I see and feel equally for your dad.

For now we keep you in a love shell; untouched of gloomy skies, unheard of fierce cries and would do that until our last breath. But reality is that life is not going to be the same as you see it now. And I am worried for that day. Motherly over concerned mind or overthinking as the world term it.And that is why I decided to write you this letter. I don’t know when and how would I hand it over to you. For now all I wanted to do is write it to the future you who might be struggling for a thing or two, losing and winning at one thing or the other, might be with the one you love or finding a way to woo her, delighted or disheartened and many other things of what heaven seeks for you.

Avyaan, you are precious to me. I so badly wanted you in my life that I left behind a lot of things which I loved before and embraced a lot of things which I dreaded. Yes, that much. And I will be looking out for you forever and always. So if ever you feel unwanted at any place in life, do remember this. Baby there might be times when you will have to strive for a career or a dream, there might be one or two heartbreaks your way, temporary hopelessness or a few negative thoughts. Know this, you are my flesh and blood, whether I stay with you or away from you a part of me will always be there within you. You are not going to be alone ever.

You are going to grow out of my lap very soon; it is going to be toddler age to teenage to adulthood in no time I am sure. Though it is fun to grow up, heaps of emotions are going to hit out on both of us pretty hard. During this transition there will be a time when you’ll feel unloved and unvalued from me too. Don’t worry; it happens with all of us, even with me. Just a phase baby boy, we shall pass this through too. But I want you to know that there is nothing in this world that I shall love more than you and through all the waves this life throws at us my love for you is never going to cease whether you are one or when you turn 100. You were, are and will be my baby boy forever and always.

I have decided to write you many more letters like this until we can discuss omen and prodigies of life one to one over a cup of coffee in our terrace or backyard or maybe besides the pool. This was the first and hope not last.

Until the next one… I love you.

Your mum.

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